On June 29, 2016, Sex and Psychology reported that Americans' interest in consensual non-monogamy is on the rise. The size of that rise, the years compared, and the way interest was measured stay on that page. This article does not invent the increase and does not treat interest as an agreement. Consensual non-monogamy means the people involved have said yes to sex, romance, or both with more than one person, under rules they actually set. Interest means someone is curious, willing to consider the idea, or drawn to it. Curiosity does not rewrite a relationship, a marriage, or a guest list.
Interest stops where agreement starts
- The June 29, 2016 column is where the reported rise lives. Do not supply your own version of how large it was.
- Interest is not a yes from a specific partner, date, or spouse.
- A national pattern does not change a venue's door policy or a couple's rules.
- Wanting to read about non-monogamy is not the same as wanting to do it this weekend.
- Do not tell a room that "everyone is interested now," because the column is not a head count of your event.
What a rise can mean, and what it cannot
A column can say interest is rising without handing you a script. Rising interest can mean more people will tolerate the idea, more people will try it, more people will talk about it, or only that more people will click an article. Which of those the June 29, 2016 piece supports is on that page, in the author's words, next to the evidence the author chose. If you drop the evidence and keep the word rise, you have a headline. Headlines are a poor basis for opening a relationship.
Do not fill the gap with a story that sounds precise. Do not say the rise was steady, sudden, small, or huge unless you are reading the sentence that says so. Do not attach the rise to a cause you prefer, such as dating apps, a television show, or "kids these days," unless the column makes that link and you can show it. Causes are easy to invent and hard to walk back. Your event does not need a theory of cultural change. It needs clear rules and guests who can hear no.
Interest is not an agreement
An agreement names people and permissions. It says whether you are monogamous, whether outside sex is allowed, whether outside romance is allowed, who must be told, and what stops the experiment. Interest says none of that. A person can be interested in consensual non-monogamy and still choose monogamy because of religion, kids, health, temperament, or love for a partner who wants a closed bond. A person can lack interest and still be pressured into a label. The label without the willingness is not consensual. The interest without the conversation is not a plan.
Bring this distinction into ordinary sentences. "I am interested in learning about non-monogamy" is not "I agree that you may sleep with other people." "I read that interest is rising" is not "I agree to open our relationship." If you need a yes, ask for the yes in concrete terms. If the answer is "I am interested but not ready," believe the second half. Ready is the part that protects people. Interested is the part that keeps the talk alive. They can coexist. They are not the same green light.
Do not spend a trend on your partner
Trends get used as company. Someone who wants to open a relationship says interest is rising, so a reluctant partner is out of step. That is pressure with a news peg. Your partner does not have to join a trend. A rise reported in 2016 does not mature into an obligation in a later year. Time passing is not consent. If the research were updated, the update would still not be your partner's signature.
The other misuse is fear. A partner hears that interest is rising and decides they are about to be left, cheated on, or dragged to a party. A trend is not a prophecy about one household. Ask what your partner wants, not what a column suggests Americans are thinking. If the answer is monogamy, you can stop scanning headlines for ammunition. If the answer is curiosity, you can read together without booking a hotel play space. Reading is allowed to be the whole activity.
A trend does not stock a dungeon
East Coast kink events draw people for many reasons: leather, rope, workshops, friendship, sex, dancing, or a weekend away. A rise in interest in consensual non-monogamy does not mean the room is newly open, newly polyamorous, or newly available. You will still meet monogamous couples who play only with each other. You will meet non-monogamous people who are not playing this trip. You will meet shy guests who are interested in the idea and have promised their partner they will only watch. Watch means watch.
Door staff should not greet people with a trend. "A lot more Americans are into this" is an assumption and, if you cannot cite the June 29, 2016 page accurately, a sloppy one. Greet people with the code of conduct. Tell them that relationship style is their business and that consent rules are the house's business. Consent at an orgy or play party matters more to a Saturday night than a rise measured in a research write-up. BDSM consent practices are about scenes and limits, not about whether curiosity is fashionable.
Separate interest from the other research questions
Keep the columns in separate drawers. June 29, 2016 is about interest and a reported rise. May 7, 2015 is about how common consensual non-monogamy is, and that figure stays on that page. May 30, 2016 is about how many people have ever had a consensually non-monogamous relationship, and that figure stays on that page. Interest can be wider than behavior. Lifetime behavior can be wider than current behavior. If you blend the three, you will tell people that "everyone is doing it" when you only read that interest moved. That sentence is a good way to bulldoze a maybe into a yes.
When you teach, show three links and refuse to speak three numbers from memory. Say which question each link answers. Say that this events article is a warning about misuse, not a data table. If a student wants the rise, send them to Sex and Psychology's June 29, 2016 column and tell them to read the comparison the author actually made. Your retelling will sand off the comparison until it says whatever you hoped.
What to do with your own curiosity
Curiosity is a fine reason to read and a poor reason to ambush a partner at an event. If you are interested, say so at home, with time to think. Offer the column as optional reading, not as a summons. Ask whether your partner wants a conversation later, and accept a no to the conversation as well as a no to the structure. Interest that cannot survive a delay is usually urgency, and urgency is a bad editor of agreements.
If you are interested and your current partner is not, you have a mismatch, not a mandate. You can stay and keep the closed agreement. You can leave honestly. You cannot nibble at the agreement with "but interest is rising" until they comply. People who want non-monogamy as a real plan can look for others who want it too. Start with how to find a non-monogamous partner. Do not treat a rising trend as a dating pool that includes everyone who has not yet refused you out loud.
If both of you are interested, move from the word interest to rules. Name events you might attend and events you will skip. Name whether watching counts as participation. Name sexual health steps. Name what happens if one of you feels done after a single party. Polyamory and jealousy is relevant if feelings show up, which they often do even when the interest was sincere. Polyamory myths can keep you from treating a trend story as a personality type.
New guests and old assumptions
A rise in interest, if you take the column at its word and leave the magnitude on the page, is a reason for hosts to be clearer, not looser. Newer guests may know slogans and not know house norms. They may think interest in non-monogamy means a party is a free-for-all. It is not. Explain negotiation, explain that clothing is not consent, and explain that a partner standing nearby is not a silent yes. Clarity is how you welcome people who learned the topic from a headline.
Older regulars should skip the speech about how the scene used to be more serious. A curious newcomer is not a trend statistic in a collar. Talk to them as an adult. If they want education, point them to classes and written rules. If they want to play and they have no agreement sorted, point them back to that sorting. You can be kind without pretending their curiosity is already consent.
Leave the rise on the page
If someone at a munch cites a rise and cannot name the date, ask them to send the column later instead of debating the size of it on the spot. Debates about magnitude, held from memory, are where invented detail creeps in. You can change the subject to house rules without insulting the research. The research will still be on the page tomorrow. The guest in front of you needs an answer about touching, not a trend lecture.
Sex and Psychology said interest was on the rise, in a column dated June 29, 2016. Read that column before you describe the rise to anyone else. Do not invent the size, the speed, or the moral. Then remember the only rule this article adds: interest is not an agreement. An agreement is a specific yes from the people who would be affected. A trend cannot sign it. A partner can. A guest can. Until they do, your interest is yours alone, and it should stay in your mouth as a desire, not in their lap as a decision.